Updated: Feb 24, 2020
2019 brought me a myriad of flowers, all of which I appreciate beyond comprehension. I embarked on the journey knowing that I had much to prove to myself, as I was figuring out my place in the world. What’s my purpose? Am I ready to confront my purpose? Will I ever be proud (enough) of my strides in the publishing realm? I was towered in questions, doubts and optimism. As an immigrant, and the offspring of a resilient Black Caribbean woman, I knew that crumbling without care for tomorrow wasn’t an option. I had a heavy desire to establish a fresh foundation for my future. I wanted to co-write my narrative, as my steps were already being ordered by The Creator. Being present requires attentiveness, and I had to work on becoming a more attentive person. I had been too occupied by unnecessary chores for far too long. My vision was dull, and my direction was constantly being rerouted. So yes, I was weary, and weariness brought me to the doorsteps of “do better!”
I had to escape the notion that I was building towards a final form, because frankly, there’s no final form. Growth is continuous, and it is eternal. The plateau of our potential perpetually resides on the horizon of tomorrow. I did much reflecting, because I don’t think it’s possible to have a true grasp on who we are without self-reflection. In February, I pitched a piece about [redacted] to [redacted], as the ordeal was garnering much social attention. I wanted to lend my voice to an issue that permeates the everyday experiences of Black queer folks. The piece didn’t get published, as more evidence began to storm the internet. It was disheartening, however, I understood their decision, and marched forward with the denial. Unbeknownst me, the blessings that were brewing would trump the disappointment I had experienced.
“Who the Son sets free is truly free indeed.” That was my mantra throughout the year.
In 2020 (and beyond) I would like to continue sowing into my wholeness. I wouldn’t limit myself to this list, however, I couldn’t refuse the opportunity to curate a list of activities (and feats) to engage in and accomplish.
1. Read a minimum of two books monthly, regardless of my chores.
2. Plant few seeds and watch them blossom into luscious plants.
3. Prioritize my wellness habits.
4. Expand my musical taste.
5. Perhaps give ballet another chance.
6. Start traveling traditions with my friends.
7. Publish frequent blog blurbs. This’ll be challenging.
8. More trips with my person.
9. Prioritize quiet time.
10. Allow myself to binge watch lots of new movies and stop watching Hocus Pocus on loop.
11. Release and let go. Often. Daily. All thoughts aren’t productive.
12. Book few panels.
13. Take myself on dates frequently.
14. Write like my words won’t be presented to the world.
15. Tweak my studying method(s) and stop relying on intuitive knowledge to succeed.
16. Hang out with my friends.
17. Pray more. Meditate more. Choose happiness daily.
18. Say “I love you” often.
19. Speak less and listen more. God knows that I’m a talker and I need to work on my listening skills.
20. Accomplish the unimaginable. Vague is necessary, as I’m unsure of what I’m capable of accomplishing.